hey my college finally shut down my email with them, which I honestly thought they would like months ago. So when inevitably this blog stops being active that’s why
someone convert me i love believing in shit
i coulda so easily been a Manson girl. Like had i been hardcore involved in the original psychedelic revolution I would have 100% joined a cult
even on meds waves of extreme self loathing/ kinda suicidal feelings will just hit me out of NOWHERE sometimes and just curdle my whole mood and ability to be productive. like i just need constant distraction from the way I feel, so I can’t really read or write or clean or even watch a movie. like I’ve GOT to just be dicking around on parts of the Internet im not even that interested in.
And one of the creepiest aspects of feeling suicidal is that when I feel that way, I’m always certain it’s my only true feeling. Like it’s the core of by being and all of my other attributes just grow up like vines around this central pillar of profound self hatred. Like who am I fooling? Pretending like there’s any chance I’ll ever be able to stand myself?
And I’m doing super duper ok. Im coming out of a sorta stressful period but overall I’m probably better mentally than I’ve been in several fuckin years. it’s just like…. sometimes the old shit comes back. and it’s always scary to me how familiar and precise it is
